Photo Credit: Mayberry Health and Home
You love your spouse. You said the vows and meant them. Even though the vows didn’t reveal all the true things that would happen in a marriage.
The vows didn’t say,
“I will drop everything I am working on when you come in the house wanting supper fixed. I will be okay with you following me to the bathroom right after I get home from work to discuss your day. I will love you even when you belch the happy birthday song. I won’t care that you undress in the kitchen and leave your dirty clothes there for me to pick up. I will agree with everything you say even if it’s stupid.”
No, the vows said none of these things. So, I asked God why? I looked to the sky and yelled,
“Why oh Why? How am I supposed to love this person all the time?”
The first verse I came upon regarding spousal relationships is this,
“Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!”
Excuse me? But I do know it all!! Or at least I think I do.
Okay, I think I can give up knowing everything and let my spouse be right a few times. I don’t always have to win.
Then I read,
“Do not say, “I will do to him as he has done to me; I will pay the man back for what he has done.”
Admit it, we’ve all said it. We are going to show or teach or get back at him. This usually happens when we feel wronged or unappreciated. To follow through with these instructions, I also had to realize my spouse is not a mind reader. And they he is not all that great at reading body language either. My eye rolls, sighs and occasional stomps weren’t the best clues for my spouse to show I was annoyed. So, I vowed to start discussing my feelings with my spouse.
You should try it too. You will quickly realize that you two are not on the same page when it comes to thoughts and feelings. While you may be thinking of how your spouse doesn’t appreciate you and you have to take the kids to ballgames and be back home in time to get the laundry done, your spouse is thinking about sex.
Sex, sports and then sex again. Those are the first three thoughts of husbands. Use this to your advantage ladies.
Another verse I found, 1 Corinthians 13: 4-5:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
Oh boy! You mean I can’t bring up the past as ammo in an argument? How do I train myself to do all of these things? What I found is that there are a couple of steps I can take to actually make my marriage and my love for my husband even stronger.
- Establish a deep relationship with God. This is a pre-requisite for everything else. To build a relationship with God means to spend time with Him. You can spend time with God by reading the Bible, listening to or reading devotionals, or meditating to listen for His guidance. While going to church and bible studies are crucial in your learning, you need quiet time with the Lord to build a relationship. Think about it, if you went on group dates every time when you were dating, you wouldn’t have learned all you needed to know about your future spouse. Your focus could not be only on your spouse when you are on a group date. This applies to building a relationship to God also.
- You and your spouse need to build a relationship with God as a couple. Pray together, study devotionals together and attend bible studies together. Start a bible study if there isn’t one available. I promise, there are many couples out there looking to enhance their relationships.
Once these two types of relationships are formed, the two of you will be unstoppable as a team. You will be one, not two separate people.
This does not mean you will agree on everything and never have a fight again. I know, dang! What it does mean, though, is that you will be able to overcome these obstacles in a respectful and timely manner. You will be able to apologize when you’re wrong, have more patience and let things roll off your shoulders. You won’t sweat the small stuff so much.
You will begin to focus on the good qualities of your man rather than on the bad. We all have bad qualities. Yes, even you. Know this, what you think about the most, is what controls your life and your marriage.
If you are constantly thinking about the negative traits of your spouse, your marriage will be negative. If you think about the positive, it will be positive.
Change the way you think and you will change the way you live.
Take these steps today. Learn how to love deeply, even when your spouse is getting on your last nerve’s nerve. It can be done!
1 Peter 4:8
“Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.”